HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
