you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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