Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize