Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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