Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
