I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
is wine microwaveable?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
