Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
