found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
