Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
