i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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