Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
