Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
How external is "for external use only"?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
