3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
