i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
