let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
