Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
