Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
