So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
