You're completely useless in the revolution.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you would pick up someone in the library
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
