I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
