yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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