I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
