P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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