Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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