i would punch a child for taco bell
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
