gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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