THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
