Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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