everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
