We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
