Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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