Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
