Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
