Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
