so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
