so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
