Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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