I must be too annoying 4 u.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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