I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Randomize
