he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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