Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
