I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
