So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
