Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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