is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
