Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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