No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
