Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
