Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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