so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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