I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
