She just used a chaser for red wine.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
