can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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