Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
