that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
